July 28th, 2025

The roach war is reaching its end...

It's been a minute since I put the boric acid down. So far I've gone from seeing 2 or 3 roaches a day to seeing 1 or 2. I almost went all day yesterday without seeing one, until a female was spotted on my fridge. I'd been seeing a good mix of male and female, but the last three were all female! Round, pill shaped, pretty colorations. I'm almost sad to have to kill them, they are very beetle-like! But a roach is a roach. Also, I don't feel that way about the gross leathery pale looking male roaches, look up male vs female brown banded roaches if you wanna see what I'm talking about! With any luck, the amount of roaches per day will go back to zero. I'm so tired of this. I went through an entire bottle of soapy water dealing with them....

I had a migraine yesterday

I get that from time to time, from allergies and stress. This time I'm assuming it was stress induced, usually if it's allergies I have to take Benadryl before I'll ever feel better. Once I sat in the dark crying for 2 weeks until I finally went to urgent care and they prescribed me 3 different allergy meds. Anyways, this time it came on fast and strong and left me vomiting all night. I got some ibuprofen today and it seems to have helped. I ended up sleeping most of the day, I was up late with the pain and all...

I need to focus...

But I am out of weed. I don't know how else to sit down and work on a computer, but I have been outlining the story I will be writing with a pen and paper. It's so much easier to focus this way although it's still a challenge. I can't wait until I can get a new graphics tablet and start drawing the concept art and actually get this story started. I drew a pretty nice pic for it last time I lived in San Francisco, back when I first met my partner. The pic I drew was of some of the main characters at a campfire, I can't find it unfortunately... That and the one pic I drew of my girlfriend's gaia online character. I gotta figure out where I uploaded those last two pics I drew.

Looking back, I wasn't a bad artist...

I was just very impatient. I didn't take the time to measure proportions, I didn't take my time with anything at all. I always tried to rush out things with minimal effort. There was some talent there, I'm excited to get back into it! A couple years ago I swore off art entirely. It was stressing me out really bad and I was just so self loathing at the time, I just didn't feel like I could succeed. I honestly held onto a lot of internalized capitalist ideals that made pursuing my interests make me feel bad about myself. I'd start learning something, see it wasn't making money, and start working instead. Then work would leave me no time to learn, eventually I'd crash out and quit and go through a serious depressive phase. But I'm trying now to work with who I am rather than against it. I'm gonna keep focusing on all my interests, and I'm not gonna worry too much unless there is an actual problem this time that requires me to work for profit.

I still need to get out of the house

So, I think I'm gonna take up volunteer work. Not so much that I break down, just enough that I feel good about myself, get a chance to leave my room, make friends, and learn new skills. I would work for money, but no one will hire me and even if they did I get the feeling they won't value my mental health as much as I do... Is it too much to ask for a workplace that actually cares about me as a person? I know corporations don't care about their employees but still...